Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Here We Go Again

We had another miscarriage. This is our third in less than a year. I was having all kinds of symptoms at the end of July and I got a faint + on a test. I used progesterone cream every day twice a day and I was hoping that would help it stick. We got the + on Wednesday July 31st. We left to go to California that afternoon to surprise my mother in law for her 60th birthday. That evening I started spotting and by the next morning, I knew what was happening. My heart broke yet again but I held it in because I didn't want to ruin a nice trip. I finally lost it and cried my eyes out around Victorville on the way home. We didn't tell anyone for a few days. I needed time to cry about it before I wanted to talk about it. The bleeding only lasted for 2 days and then nothing. I was very confused. We called my doctor and made an appointment for later in the week. I went in on Friday and had blood work done and an ultrasound. Everything came back negative of course and thankfully everything passed naturally so I will not need any procedures to take care of it. I saw my doctor today to go over everything. Since this is my third miscarriage my insurance is willing to cover more infertility testing which is a blessing. She told us that we should not try to conceive for 3 cycles so that my hormones and everything could straighten out and we both had to give blood today because my doctor wanted to do a full genetics and chromosome testing. My husband only had to give 2 viles. I had to give 17. I started getting pretty light headed after about the 10th vile so she let me sit there for a while and drink some juice. I have never given that much of my blood. I was exhausted. I had to sit outside of my husband's work for 20 minutes after dropping him off before I felt good enough to drive. As soon as I got home crashed. I posted a photo of all the viles on facebook. I normally do not like to share our infertility struggles on there but my husband said it might be good to get some support. 

Here's the picture I posted:

People did say some nice things. I had a very good conversation with a friend who has been in a similar situation. It definitely helps to have someone who can relate because unless you have dealt with infertility personally, it is very hard to completely understand. One thing that has been a big help to me through all of this is the book I am currently reading. It is Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. It really does help me to think about how negative thinking only brings me down further. I am trying to stay positive and thank God for all of the blessing that I do have in my life but it gets difficult. I feel like the more I am struggling with bitterness due to infertility the more pregnancies are happening around me. It hurts so badly. I want to be one of those pregnant women complaining about their symptoms. I would give anything for that. Until that happens, I am just trying to concentrate on the reason I want to have children so much, the love I have for my husband. He has been my rock through all of this and I could not be more grateful for him. The Lord definitely brought him into my life for a reason. Another thing that has helped get me through this and other tough times is my devotional/praise & worship time. It is my favorite time of the day. I love to praise God through song. It makes me feel more at peace. That is what I need to concentrate on.

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